Dear African husbands,
We the desperate housewives are writing to you because e don too much.
We are your wives, not just the mothers of your children. So stop calling us weird names like, “Mami Boy”, “Ma Prisci” or “Mummy”. Haba! Na we born wona??? Worse still, when we have guests around you don’t even know what to call us. You subscribe to names like, ” you!” or “madame!” Not nice. We want names like, Queen, Babe, Dearest One, My Beloved and Sweetest. Don’t only say these names when you are about to ‘do’ in the bedroom. Say them anywhere and everywhere.
Kiss us. Yes kiss us in public and stop dodging our public kisses too. Handshakes and side hugs are for friends and acquaintances. We are your wives and we need more than that. When you see us in a public place, run to us and kiss us. We will be shy and blush much but we will love it. Why only kiss behind close doors? We want the kind of play Abraham played with his wife in public that made the king know he had lied about her being his sister. Stop relating with us out there in a way that makes us look like siblings. We know it is difficult for you to do this because of how you were raised…
But we need you to learn to kiss us even when others are around. We want joining of mouths.
Your masculinity doesn’t shift an inch if you do some house work. It only shows that you really love us and it makes us love you in return. …and it makes ‘that place’ wet and easier for you. Know a thing or two or even ten about house chores. Don’t do this…
Dear husbands, stop failing to notice when we have new hairstyles and when we get our make-up right. We want to be appreciated. Say things like, ” Oh, that is so beautiful!” “Wow that hair is the bomb!” “I can’t wait to show you off with this new hairdo.” “Those lips are hot!!!” “That meal was delicious.” No chop wipe mop shiddon quayet. Be our greatest motivators. Do you know women thrive on sweet talk? Just make sure you are not lying to us because all liars shall go to hell.
We know you love us but we want to hear it over and over again. There’s never an overdose of that. And even if there is, we want an overdose of “I love yous”.
Stop repeating the same tcheleps aka boxers without having them washed. I mean why would you not change your underwear? Your ‘thing’ may not be as delicate as ours but please change that underwear regularly. And take your baths/showers daily too because we need you to smell fresh.
Stop blaming us for lateness. All you need to do is prepare yourself for the outing. We cook the food, prepare the kids and prepare ourselves. If you put yourself in our shoes, you would know that it is not easy.
Stop trying to suppress our goals and dreams. You are not the only ones with life goals. We too have goals, we have prospects. Stop trying to bury them. Encourage us because when we don’t have goals we are pursuing, we nag. The least you can do is support us.
Learn the art of talking. We love to talk,. we need to talk. Learn to talk with us. Learn to be good listeners. Render this meme right here useless…
Be romantic. Buy us flowers, take us for weekend getaways and spend quality time with us. Every time together doesn’t have to be a time of sexual intimacy. We need to have times when you just hold our hands and we watch the stars together. Cook for us, serve us breakfast in bed and write love poems for us. Hold our hands because when you hold our hands, it signifies that we don’t have to go through life alone.
African husbands, stop reminding us that you are men. Even the birds know that you are men. Being a man is not synonymous to being overbearing. Stop this mediocrity of “being a man.”
Our dear Pa Boys and Pa Gehs, we know you are very strong because you used to split logs of wood but you are exerting your strength wrongly. Stop battering your wives. When you do this, you are not husbands, you are “horsebands” and you keep your lives bound by your aggressiveness. How can you beat the very one who once made your heart beat? He who does that to his wife does that to himself. If you do not change your ways, note that the thunder that will faya you is still doing push-ups.
Dear African husbands, stop insisting that you are polygamous in nature as an excuse for cheating. We too desire other men by nature but choose to stay with you. Control your roaming third legs. You can control them… you should control them. We are tired of men whose brains are controlled by their testosterone. There’s a reason why self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.
Don’t abandon the task of raising up the kids to us. Be involved in the lives of your children. Find out what they learned in school. Do their homework with them. Read to them. Pray with them. Play with them. Teach them. Step up and be fathers to your kids. Parenting is not just mothering. It is mothering + fathering. So when you do these things, don’t call it “help”. It is called PARENTING.
African men, a well pampered wife glows and loves you right back. When you give, you receive. It makes a lot of difference when you make an effort to love us. Don’t stop chasing us. Keep dating us. Keep flirting with us. Keep pursuing us. Read books on how to love us. Make an effort! Chase us the way you would chase a girlfriend.
We the women of Africa crave for men that are committed to their wives and their families. We crave for men that cherish and protect this covenant called marriage.
Above all, husbands of Africa love your Creator. It is only when you nurture a healthy relationship with God that you can successfully love us the way you should. Let the Bible be the GPS for your life and our homes. Be the spiritual leader of your homes.
We love you and are always striving to get better. Read this letter over and over again, employ these tips and our love will be sweeter than love in Tokyo.
Mrs N, chairlady of the desperate housewives committee,
On behalf of all African wives.