I DO NOT WANT AN OKAY MARRIAGE
Published Apr 04, 2017
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You know what they say. You get married. Then the love between husband and wife dwindles as the years go by. This love dwindles so much that your lukewarm marriage becomes the new normal. You argue. You make up. Life continues casually, you know.
But it’s no longer there. The deep overwhelming love that drew you two together at first. You are no longer eager to spend time with your partner. You do not get butterflies in your belly when they are around. “I love you” is now some distant phraseology. Life continues like that.
Because a lot of people have been there, done that. These people are your mentors. They look at couples who happen to still be in deep love with each other and they exclaim aloud almost sarcastically, “Is the marriage new?” Ha.
Because you know, a marriage with hot love is only supposed to be a new marriage in their books. The love is supposed to get cooler and cooler then gets lukewarm at its best.
Lukewarmness didn’t take anyone anywhere. The winners in this world are not lukewarm people but those who fight consistently hard at what they do. Those who have a “winning prayer life” are those who pray fervently. Not those who pray today then don’t pray tomorrow. Not those who keep prayer only as a spare wheel at the back of their car. Same with medicine. Show me a lukewarm medical student and I will show you someone who may never graduate from medical school. You do not graduate by casually reading your books then hoping that by some stroke of luck you will pass. You graduate by studying hard, pressing on and passing your exams because of the hard work you put in. Why I’m I giving these examples? To tell you that nothing good comes through lukewarmness.
Therefore, a marriage that is not worked on consistently and fervently becomes lukewarm. And I do not want that kind of marriage.
I do not want a marriage where deep sacrificial love is absent. A marriage in which the good ole’ days of passionate love are over. I want a marriage in which we grow in loving each other daily. One in which we do not ever get enough of each other because we just love each other too much.
I do not want a marriage in which we are primarily co-parents to our kids. I want a marriage in which we are first husband and wife then parents. Because when the kids grow and they are gone, we will continue to be the husband and wife that we are. I don’t want to have to practice what it means to be a spouse once again. I want to model to my kids first-hand what a marriage should look like.
I do not want a marriage that is stagnant. Zero progress year in year out. I want a marriage in which my man and I take steps everyday to improve on ourselves and improve our relationship. I want a marriage in which we look back at our flaws and say, “How could I do that??. That was stupid!”
I do not want a marriage that is devoid of God. A marriage in which God is “one of those things” and not given primary place. I want a marriage in which God is our everything. One in which we hold hands and pray together. One in which we love God more than we love each other!
I do not want a marriage that is boring. I want a marriage that is fun fun fun! I want to laugh with my man until I fart and no one will care. I want us to enjoy the bright side of life together and laugh and play as much as we can. Because we were not listening when they said marriage was supposed to be boring.
I do not want a marriage that feels like a prison, a death sentence, a cage. I want a marriage that feels like heaven. I want a marriage that is so enjoyable not endurable.
I do not want a marriage in which romance is conspicuously absent. I want a marriage in which romance is alive. Because that’s the way it is supposed to be.
I do not want a marriage in which sex is “just there”. I want a marriage in which every episode of love-making makes me want my man more. I want a marriage in which we enjoy intimacy as deeply as God wants us to.
No, I do not want a marriage that fades as the years go by. I do not want a marriage in which I stay just because of the children. I want a marriage in which I want my partner and my partner wants me. I want a marriage in which we still hold hands even when old and wrinkled.
Because when God made this thing called marriage, He made a good thing, not a bag of woes. He created a relationship that models His relationship with us, the church. There is nothing in this whole wide world that can compare to a man and woman together in holy matrimony fulfilling God’s plans for their lives. Together, they can move mountains. Together, they are a powerhouse.
So I am not settling for an okay marriage. I am settling for the best. What does the best look like? The best means constantly working hard to improve on my marriage. It means taking care of my marriage according to the word of God, not according to worldly standards. It means texting my husband when he is at work just to let him know how much I love Him. It means praying for my marriage like everything depends on prayer. It means having movie nights together. It means going on a date away from the kids, just us. It means loving passionately and being determined to overcome every hurdle by the grace of God. It means not tolerating any habit that breaks my marriage.
So friend, do not settle for a marriage that is merely okay, lukewarm and boring. Settle for a marriage that gives you the jitters.
To marriages that last!
oh tnz so much, im very greatful…may God bless u
yea we do but im just so worried about what people will say
yea we do but im just so worried abt what people say.
Don’t worry about what people will say, dear. People will always have something to say. If you believe you two fit other well and have the approval of God then go ahead and don’t focus on what the world says.
im 25years old lady, can i get married to 42years old man? advice pls!
Hi dear, it really depends on what your values are. Do you both have the same beliefs? Do you feel like you can spend the rest of your life with him? I don’t think the age gap is a big deal if you two are compatible.
pre…plenty plenty Hi Fives…. i certainly do not settle for an okay marriage. After 16 years marriage, i still look forward to beautiful moments.
Amen! 16 years is a long way! May God continue to bless your marriage, sis. May you have even more beautiful moments than you can imagine.
Amen oh,
From your mouth to God’s ear,
Wish you the best too
Amen! And thank you!
Anything good and beautiful in life doesn’t happen by chance. It takes a lot of work and commitment on the person or persons concerned. It is the same with marriage. A happy, love filled lasting marriage requires the all and all of the couple. I am not married but I couldn’t agree more as I read this. May you never settle for an Ok marriage and may you both have the best!
To marriages that last!
Well said, sis! Not sure how I missed your comment. All that you said is so inspiring. Thank you!
I cant even survive in an ‘Ok Marriage’.
A marriage devoid of laughter and fun? No!
That is not God’s plan for my life.
Excellent marriages don’t just happen, it requires a lot of hard work.
First, marry a man that knows God and is family oriented.
Then marry your friend, even when the ‘butterflies’ go missing, friendship continues to sustain the marriage.
Over all, if Jesus is in the family, happy happy home.
You reminded of the song that says “With Jesus in the family, happy happy home!”
Lol at when the butterflies go missing!
Thanks for this comment, Bola. Really blessed me.
I too do not want an OKAY Marriage.
So true, and quite eye opening. Its great that you’ve been married for some time and you still feel this way. It’s quite inspiring to those of us who are still to get married. Marriages still work and can be enjoyed.
God bless your family and keep your Union STRONGER AND STRONGER
Yes dear, marriages still work. A good marriage is the result of a lot of work.
Amen to your prayers!!
I kept nodding my head all through like a lizard.It beats me when people look at a new couple and say “the love still dey shack dem” like it should dwindle overtime and then they look at an old couple and are surprised at how in love they still are after many years together.
I DON’T WANT AN OK MARRIAGE!!I WANT THE BEST.
http://www.CheecheeLive.com
Lol at like a lizard! I know right?? People expect new couples to be in love and old ones to be out of love. That’s not how it should be!
It’s been a while that i haven’t left a comment on this blog but as i saw this post, i couldn’t keep calm! no i just couldn’t. I am not married but i say NO to an OK marriage. I am trusting GOD to settle for the best and make the best out of it. In order to have the best, one can’t definitely sit and fold arms and expect magic to happen. It sure entails hardwork and fervent prayers.
Cheers to “I want a marriage that is so enjoyable not endurable”.
My dear Precious, i like the way you arrange the wordings in your posts to make them unique. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep it up!!!
Ahhh Clotilde! Where have you been dear? This blog has missed you.
I’m glad to hear of how much the post has inspired you.
And thanks for your kind words!
Great article but funny enough most marriages today, are okay marriages. No one should settle for an ok marriage.
Please check out my blog
http://bornnigerianblog.blogspot.com.ng/2017/04/payback-on-point.html?m=1
No one should, BN. Thanks for stopping by!
I DO NOT WANT AN OKAY MARRIAGE. YES, LORD. I AGREE WITH PRECIOUSCORE TODAY. I DO NOT WANT AN OKAY MARRIAGE!
Amen and amen!
Boy! Do I love this post.
It’s amazing and admirable. Such unwavering insistence and non tolerance for anything mediocre.
At a point in my life I decided I didn’t want an okay or just there marriage, I didn’t want to endure or settle for less. I am more, God made me more so I deserve more and the more God teaches you about marriage, the more you realise that it’s possible.
Thanks dear Precious. I love how diverse your posts are.
Six things to start praying about NOW
Yes dear, you deserve nothing but the best!!
It is very possible with the hand of God upon you. Thanks sweetie!
I don’t want an okay marriage even I’m not yet married I want the best I refuse to settle for anything less I stand with you ma’am. Saving this for future use.
Yes GM, strive for the best. Do not settle for anything less.
God Bless you Sister. I don’t want OK marriage either. I am not married but my relationship has not been “OK”. Its been awesome so much that we keep asking ourselves, is this real or are we in Nollywood? But we decided to be different from the Norm that flames of love always fade off. Thanks once again.
Yes yes! May those flames of love keep burning, bro. That’s the way it should be.
“Ah na new married” lol. We have to intentionally work on our marriages dear, thanks for bringing this out nicely. I don’t want an okay marriage! Powerful!
Hahaha that particular phrase! It tells us how much people are okay with a marriage with no “hot love”. Ha
I definitely don’t want a marriage that is stagnant, devoid of God,boring. Yes to working hard in my marriage,my marriage deserves romance and hot love everyday. Even though I am not married yet but dear Precious this post is very important to me that I have bookmarked and copied it at the speed of light so that I can always revisit it. Thankyou Ma’am Precious.
Way to go, dear! You are building the right foundation for your would-be marriage.