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    Home » Love n Marriage

    PUBLISHED: Sep 5, 2017 · UPDATED: Sep 18, 2017 by Precious · This post may contain affiliate links · 45 Comments

    THIS ONE COMMUNICATION TIP WILL SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

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    I had something to tell Mr N and it wasn't something pretty. It was a long list of complaints about things he did and didn't do the previous day that enraged me. I was hurt and I was trying to find the right words, to channel my feelings to him. I didn't want my complaints to lead to a quarrel like it has before. After scribbling my list of grievances, I read through it and saw that there was no way this wasn't going to start a fight.

     

    I decided to implement the wisdom I had read in a quote by Mary Kay Ash. It says,

    Sandwich every bit of criticism between two layers of praise.

    So I  went back to the top of my message and added a sweet line, "Thank you for being the amazing man you've been."
    Then I went to the bottom and added, "Love you still."
    Doing this, wasn't as simple as I have written. I was bubbling with anger and all I wanted to tell him was how angry I was! But I had to take a moment to breathe and allow the Holy Spirit work through me. When I read through the message again, it sounded much better. The first version sounded like it had come from a person who was just mad and giving up. The second sounded like it came from someone who so much loved her man despite the odds. It made a whole lot of difference.
    By the grace of God (and only by the grace of God!) I continued with business as usual at home, not acting like someone who had been hurt. After Mr N saw the message, he came to me, hugged me and said he was sorry. He explained the reasons for his actions but still maintained that he was sorry. This doesn't happen all the time.
    Too many times, I have hurt my marriage by saying words that shouldn't be said. By exploding in the heat of anger. By saying words that were garnished with bitterness. The results were far from pretty. Scripture says, our speech should always be seasoned with salt:
    "Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you should know how you will respond to each person." Colossians 4:6
    I cook food a lot and one thing I have learned is no matter how many ingredients you put in a meal, if there is no salt, it will be lacking. Salt is what gives life to a pot of beans. So our speech being seasoned with salt means our speech should always have some life in it. It shouldn't be bland and bitter. It should be properly seasoned with the right choice of words.
    This doesn't just happen. You have to work consciously towards it. You have to decide to say the right things at the right time. You have to choose to see the glass half full rather than half empty. You have to restrain yourself from saying all the things you think of. Not every thought deserves to be spoken because the Bible says, "the heart is deceitful above all things." In fact, it says only fools vent all that is in their hearts:
    "A fool uttereth all his mind: but the wise man keepeth it in till afterwards." Proverbs 29:11
    You gotta love King James!
    So the next time you want to say something not-so-nice to your spouse, take a deep breath and sandwich that criticism between layers of praise. Start your vent with something positive and end on a positive note. I remember Mr N telling me one day after we had an argument that he still loves me, in spite of everything. That was a defining moment for me. Each time I think of it, I am certain of his love and commitment to me.
    May we say words to our spouses that reassure them of our love and commitment to them.

    pre-signature-pro

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    About Precious

    Welcome to my core! I am Precious Nkeih, the recipe developer and writer right here on my blog, Precious Core. My goal is to show you insanely delicious recipes you can replicate in your kitchen. And I love to tell stories too. Hope you find recipes here that will make cooking easier for you! Check me out on YouTube at YouTube.com/PreciousKitchen.

    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. Angele marie says

      June 22, 2016 at 4:44 pm

      What a beautiful write up. I wish i read this a long time ago. I think i vent till i would have emptied my entire bile only then would i stop. I thought i was being wise but now i see how foolish that made me because it only adds to the existing problems and venting in that bitter manner has never brought anything good to me. Thanku Presh for the wise words. God bless

      Reply
    2. Precious Nkeih says

      June 22, 2016 at 4:58 pm

      You are welcome, hun. Venting in bitterness hardly helps anything. It can be so draining.
      It's never too late to make a fresh start. God bless you too sweetie.

      Reply
    3. Patty ETAMO says

      June 22, 2016 at 6:16 pm

      Thanks sweetie. I just realized this a few weeks ago. This makes a lot of difference. We need to let the holy spirit have its place even when we are angry. That way he can fix our problems because it is not the quality and quantity of our anger that make our men see with us. We need the Holy Spirit to intervene and give us the right words and gestures. Men don't like to be attacked but they want their women to compliment them even if there is a problem . We need the salt. Thanks again my dear. Keep it up.

      Reply
    4. Precious Nkeih says

      June 22, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      Exactly my dear. We all need the salt. Nobody wants to be attacked with a list of their inadequacies. May the Holy Spirit continue to work in our hearts.

      Thank you for reading!

      Reply
    5. Cassie Daves says

      June 23, 2016 at 4:45 am

      This is really deep! Got me rethinking some things I've done lol. I need to do better

      http://www.cassiedaves.com

      Reply
    6. Precious Nkeih says

      June 23, 2016 at 4:57 am

      Lol there's always room for improvement.

      Reply
    7. Kewrites Kewan Fombong says

      June 23, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      Great write up dear! I often stay quiet and talk when I am calm. Thanks for the tip, sandwich with two layers of praise!

      Reply
    8. Gloria Okaiman says

      June 23, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      There are so manyyyy words that are really better left unsaid. I wish one had the knowledge earlier. Thanks for sharing.

      trendwithgloria.com

      Reply
    9. Nwamaka Ajaegbu says

      June 23, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      Wow. This hit me hard. Thank you precious.

      Striving for positivity all the way!

      amakamedia.com

      Reply
    10. Felicia Alake kegni says

      June 23, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      Very true. Thanks for sharing.Respect and honor for our husbys will always cause us to choose so well our words and season with salt. Thanks again sis.

      Reply
    11. Precious Nkeih says

      June 23, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      You're welcome Amaka. Positivity rocks!

      Reply
    12. Precious Nkeih says

      June 23, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      Indeed Gloria. Some words just have to die with our thoughts.

      Reply
    13. Precious Nkeih says

      June 23, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      You're welcome, hun.

      Reply
    14. Precious Nkeih says

      June 23, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      LOL! It's so easy for our tongues to wander to the wrong places in the heat of the moment. I love the sandwich approach!

      Reply
    15. Precious Nkeih says

      June 23, 2016 at 3:56 pm

      You're welcome, my sister.

      Reply
    16. Kachee Tee says

      June 23, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      This was spot on Precious! I totally concur. Words hurt so much especially if they come from someone you love. I totally agree with the sandwich criticism approach and I even blogged about it HERE

      Well done for this - I need to work on it as well, because oh boy, I do know how to flip and say the wrongest things - and then go back to being sweet half a second later. But may times, damage done already! Lol

      KacheeTee.com
      4 Perfectly Do-able Traditions for (Young) Couples

      Reply
    17. Ife Leke says

      June 24, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      I am definitely committing this to heart for when the time comes.

      CHAPTER 10 of Wrong but Right? is here again! Enjoy! Pamilerin drove without any clear direction. He didn’t really care where he was headed; he just wanted to get over the seething anger raging inside him and driving had always proved to be a soothing exercise for him. He knew he had a volatile temper – where he got it from was still in question – and had over the years, mastered putting a rein on it. Continue here

      http://www.ayandola.com/2016/06/24/wrong-right-chapter-ten.html

      Reply
    18. Anonymous says

      June 24, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      I had learnt to keep quiet when angry to avoid saying things I would regret later. May God give us the wisdom needed to make our relationships/marriages crises free. Thanks for this Presh. God bless your home. Bola

      Reply
    19. Cheechee Live says

      June 24, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      OMG! I needed this because I can vent for Africa to my husband and I will start with vex and end with vex but this makes so much sense and just..thank you.Afterall there is always something to appreciate in a person no matter how badly they hurt you!
      God bless you.
      http://www.cheecheelive.com

      Reply
    20. Precious Nkeih says

      June 24, 2016 at 3:17 pm

      I'm glad you could use this, Cheechee. God bless you too.

      Reply
    21. Precious Nkeih says

      June 24, 2016 at 3:41 pm

      That's the way to go, Bola. Keeping the mouth shut when angry really helps because death and life are in the power of the tongue. When we are angry, we'll likely spew death.
      God bless your home too dear.

      Reply
    22. Precious Nkeih says

      June 24, 2016 at 3:50 pm

      Okay Ife.

      Reply
    23. Precious Nkeih says

      June 24, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      Words are seeds, dear. Once we plant them, uprooting them is difficult. That's why scripture says if we can control our tongue then we can control our whole body.
      Thank you for stopping by!

      Reply
    24. Chinelo Okoli says

      June 24, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      Nice Post Presh! From experience i know how words can hurt me deeply, so i do my best to not burst out if i'm so angry. Sorry does not erase words, so we have to be careful. The only time i may get crazy with my mouth is when PMS is driving me cray cray. lol

      Nelo's Halo Blog
      Look what PMS made me do

      Reply
    25. Sisi Yemmie says

      June 25, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      Hmmmm when i'm angry I try to just keep kwayet but after a while I lose it and everything comes out! I would like to practice this more

      Reply
    26. Precious Nkeih says

      June 25, 2016 at 12:40 pm

      Ha. Keeping kwayet when angry is not easy at all oo but very doable (by the grace of God!).

      Reply
    27. Arrey Echi says

      June 28, 2016 at 2:09 pm

      Words of wisdom and the sandwich approach is very good. Its like bitting and blowing a soothing raspberry where you bit 🙂 Words truly do stab so it is always wise to season them with salt. I hope I remember this one day some day in future 🙂

      Reply
    28. Precious Nkeih says

      June 28, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      The sandwich approach really works, sis. Not just in marriage but in our everyday relationships.

      Reply
    29. Ezubelu Anthony-------Trice------ says

      July 04, 2016 at 7:45 am

      Lovely. Click Here for more fashion and healthy care. Dont Miss it

      Reply
    30. Olaa Bobade says

      July 05, 2016 at 1:17 am

      Okay, making a mental note for when I become a Mrs. I admire the openness in this post Mrs N!
      Laitanbee Blog

      Reply
    31. Precious Nkeih says

      July 05, 2016 at 4:52 am

      Awww thanks sweetie.

      Reply
    32. Betina Melajie says

      August 15, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      What I love most about this post is the fact that solution was in the Word of God. It being there ever since. Yet we really find it hard to go back to it when ever we have issues. I am blessed by Jesus Christ in you

      Reply
    33. Precious Nkeih says

      August 15, 2016 at 10:49 pm

      Exactly, Betina. We hardly go back to God when we have issues. May our response always be Him first rather than other things. Thanks for reading, sweetie!

      Reply
    34. MrsL says

      September 05, 2017 at 10:36 am

      Thank you soo much Precious. I needed this. I struggle with communication but today I have learnt something new. Thank you and may God continue to bless you, may He continue to use you as a shining star and a light to bring his people out of darkness.

      Reply
      • Precious says

        September 05, 2017 at 11:41 am

        Amen and amen! MrsL, your words make me so so happy. God bless you sis.

        Reply
    35. wongeh bertille says

      September 05, 2017 at 10:41 am

      Not only do you give us good recipes, but u equally give us good tips on how to keep our relationships moving. ur the best ,thank u.

      Reply
      • Precious says

        September 05, 2017 at 11:42 am

        So glad to be able to inspire wonderful sisters like you, Bertille. God bless you.

        Reply
    36. Bisola says

      September 07, 2017 at 1:23 pm

      Amazing advice right there. It will save us a lot of malice and bad blood in the long run. Plus you feel better having handled it maturely and don't end up apologizing for the angry words you said.

      Reply
      • Precious says

        September 10, 2017 at 7:32 am

        Exactly, dear. Thank you.

        Reply
    37. Jamila says

      September 09, 2017 at 12:47 pm

      What a lovely and heartfelt message!

      Reply
      • Precious says

        September 10, 2017 at 7:54 am

        Awww thanks hun.

        Reply
    38. Dominika Goodness says

      September 18, 2017 at 11:52 am

      My dearest sister Precious, it's not so easy to control ones anger when that moment presents itself, that's when adrenaline collaborates with the devil the most. But this one tip that you have shared will change my life when Mr anger comes calling. I shall come out a noble with this tip. God bless you for the good work you are doing.

      http://dominikagoodness.blogspot.com.ng

      Reply
      • Precious says

        September 18, 2017 at 10:57 pm

        Amen! Lol at when adrenaline collaborates with the devil. We must learn to put our adrenaline under control. God bless you dear.

        Reply
    39. chu melvis says

      October 16, 2017 at 8:23 am

      i find it so difficult to stay calm when am angry but was once told that when am angry i should put my words in writting and after go through it to see how disastrous it was .thanks for this words of wisdom will try to put it in practice

      Reply
      • Precious says

        October 17, 2017 at 8:56 am

        That;s a great tip, Melvis! We hardly say anything right when angry.

        Reply

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