8 LESSONS FROM “THE OTHER ROOM”
Published Oct 19, 2016
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“The Other Room” never had so much meaning until last week when Nigerian president, Muhammadu Buhari, referred to it as one of the “rooms” to which his wife belonged. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here is the drill. The wife of His Excellency, Aisha Buhari expressed how dissatisfied she was with her husband’s government in an interview with the BBC. “The way things are going I am not happy,” she said. She then insinuated that she might not support her husband if he decides to run for re-election in 2019.
Mr Buhari was then asked in an interview with the Associated Press what he thought about his wife’s opinion and after letting out a short laugh, he said, “I don’t know which party my wife belongs to, but she belongs to my kitchen and my living room and the other room.”
And that’s where “the other room” came from.
Ironically, he said this by a strong woman who belonged to much more than “the other room,” German president, Angela Merkel and she responded by giving him the side glare. If I were by him I would probably do same.
I don’t know exactly what “the other room” refers to but here are some things we can draw from this whole dancing dirty in the market place display by Mr president and his wife.
1. Words spoken can never be taken back, chewed, swallowed and forgotten. What Mr and Mrs president said in the spur of the moment  has repercussions but they can’t take it back. Taste your words before you spit them out.
2. Some things are just not for the public ear. What Mrs Buhari said about the government cabinet made up of people who don’t know or uphold the ruling party’s values sounds like a genuine concern. However, this is not something to be said in front of a microphone. Worse still in an interview with the BBC.
3. BUT her saying this to the press might actually indicate a bigger problem. Madame is probably (or obviously?) voiceless to her husband so her frustration led her to tell the whole world her concerns. When a man doesn’t listen to his wife, he pushes her to talk to the wrong audience. Don’t make your wife tell others what she should be telling you face to face.
4. In this day and age when women are leading countries and feminism is on the rise it is downright uncanny to reiterate the age-old statement that says a woman’s place is in the kitchen.
5. Matters of “the other room” are hard to address directly even for a man like Buhari who has probably been there severally. This applies if “the other room” actually refers to the bedroom.
6. Favouritism and control in government is real. How come Mr president doesn’t know the people he is appointing, according to his wife? Is it still about giving positions to human beings as though they are rewards and not because they are hardworking and have the government at heart?
7. Behind some African leaders is the shadow of a woman. Not a full woman. A woman who has been limited to the kitchen, the living room and the other room is like a caged bird. How can she fly? How can she live fully? How can she even fully support her husband?
8. You can’t just keep a woman with her own brain under lock and key. She has a mind and a strong voice. If you don’t listen to it, one day it shall be amplified in places you don’t like. Even a woman who is not loud-mouthed like Mrs Buhari can’t be shut down.
Dancing dirty in the market place could happen to anybody. Words spoken can never be retrieved. That’s the power of the tongue. Social media will capture it and it will be all over before you know it. Chew your words before spitting them out.
What are your thoughts on “the other room”?
This is so on point, I love your analysis and breakdown. Number 3 just hit the nail on the head, his refusal to listen to her concerns may not have been an excuse, but it certainly played a role in this entire dilemma.
Women who defied the other room
I know right, Dami?? It certainly played a role.
We all know the adage of not washing the family dirty laundry in public. But I don’t think voicing her concerns about the husband’s inability to keep his promises equals this dirty laundry. Some may claim she went overboard which maybe she probably did. However, communication issues are at play here. It is very possible she’s been telling hubby and hubby been turning a deaf ear. Na ele dem sabi.
What this whole debacle shows is that it will take a century or more to rid some of our men from the patriarchal tendencies. Him as the president with thousands of his country men looking up to him and the world at large could have chosen his words wisely. I think it just brought to the fore his view about women and I find it ironic because how do you as a leader champion women issues when you limit their importance to three rooms? Whether it was a joke, it was a very bad joke from a leader of a whole country made up of men and women.
http://www.joy2endure.com
Hmmm I don’t think it was a joke oo,
It is said that his Special Assistant tried to downplay it before the media but Mr President insisted on his words. Sad.
Thanks for sharing your view, sis. This goes a long way to show us that we still have a long way to go.
Lady P,
Hmmm… The way you broke this down is so insightful. The implications of the utterances of both President and his wife indicate communication issues in their home.
I agree with you – “Madame is obviously voiceless to her husband. Sadly, this is how some men relegate their wives to the background. I think that a woman’s relevance in life definitely extends beyond the rooms in a house , whether “Other” or otherwise!
Excellent piece, thank you for sharing. 🙂
Hi Nedoux,
You are so right. A woman’s relevance can’t be tied to rooms.
That’s just downright degrading.
Thanks for stopping by and enjoy the rest of your week!
When I heard his speech, my God my God I was so angry and irritated, especially to the young men of our generation who supported him, it’s disgusting!
Words spoken, that point is real!
http://Www.funkeolotu.com
True, Funke. Words are like seeds.
Reading through this article, the style of writing, choice of words, expression, etc just shout out Pays!!! Pays!!!!! Pays!!!!
Hahaha Siscooh, where have you been??
Hope to see more of you here!
Indeed, you provided a great insight into the issue in you usual smart style.