I was sitting in front of my house on a cool afternoon , breathing in some fresh air when a call came into my phone. I picked it up and heard a male voice on the other end.
"I'm I speaking to Mrs N?"
This sounded strange. People always addressed me on the phone, in the market and even in their dreams as, "Precious". Who was this person, calling me Mrs N on a cool afternoon? I answered in the affirmative. The mystery caller who failed to introduce himself told me to hold on and in a few seconds, I heard a female voice at the other end.
"Hello Mrs N, this is Pastor Mrs X speaking."
At this point I must have looked at my phone in disbelief. The voice at the other end of the phone was the voice of a very close friend whom I will call Y here. She addressed herself to me as Pastor Mrs X (not the real initial of her husband's name.)
Whaaaaaaaaaat?
The opening line of this call is one of the most anomalous things I have heard in my entire diaper-changing, laundry-ignoring weird life. How can someone who chatted with you, cooked with you, laughed with you and farted with you suddenly call you, addressing herself as a Pastor Mrs? And she couldn't call me herself. She had to go through a "Personal Assistant".
What happened to Y?
My memory flashed back to some weeks ago when I had met her pastor husband at a church programme in another town. When I asked him how my friend was faring, he had told me, shoulders-raised, head-high that she was now a "big pastor" and I needed to "pay money to see her."
I didn't fully understand the statement until this epic call came in. Let me digress a little: a girl I knew in church as J with whom I did the cooking and farting thing together did a similar thing. She traveled to Nigeria for Bible school and when she came to Cameroon for a visit, she called me, introducing herself as "Evangelist J". Probably her way of informing me that "levels had changed." Ohlolila!
Let me go back to my buddy, Y.
Y and I were very close in my undergraduate days. She was more like a sister to me. Upon graduation, I traveled to Nigeria for graduate school while Y stayed in Cameroon and got married. She started helping her husband run a church he had started. I came back to Cameroon after graduate school, got married too but we weren't as close because we were in different towns. However, as good old friends, we sought ways to reconnect. As fate would have it, we both moved to the same city and were planning to meet again. Then Y called me and addressed herself as Pastor Mrs. And she wasn't joking.
From the day I heard her say those "Pastor Mrs" words. I the common Christian could not flow with the Pastor's wife as before. She even modified her Facebook name to include, "Pastor" in it.
A few months later, I visited her and we chatted on the issue with her while sitting in her living room. She told me that after she was ordained pastor in her husband's church (where her husband is the prophet and chief Bible school teacher), she decided to go by the name Pastor. She said everyone MUST call her "pastor" or "madame." I asked her if that was what the Bible stipulated. She said the Bible says we should give honour to whom honour is due.
Just to make sure my ears were free of cobwebs, I asked her if I, her friend could call her by her first name. My boo said no I couldn't and I should call her "madame" if pastor was too much for me. She went on to tell me how a girl who was very fat (I don't know how her size mattered!) and her senior in secondary school now revered her because of her pastoral position. In fact, she said I needed to see how this lady respected her. Later I would tell Y that respect is earned not demanded. And when somebody begins to demand respect and gets offended if not granted, the person is sick. It is important that people relate with you as a person and not as a position.
As I spoke with my friend, she tried to keep her self-imposed 'civility' by constantly referring to me as Mrs N.
Weird.
Then something happened. Her husband walked into the house. Y burst out,
"The prophet himself! You're welcome, sah!"
Super weird.
The prophet himself was just smiling and absorbing the accolades wifey poured on him.
I have seen so many things in my Christian journey and this imposition of titles is one of the most unchristian things I ever experienced.
The greatest man that lived in the world was called Jesus. He is the master of the universe, the most celebrated celebrity. I mean the man was strolling and five thousand men were following Him! He is the greatest teacher, King of all kings, the miracle worker, yet he was called Jesus. Simple.
Calling Him Jesus didn't challenge His authority.
He didn't need to insist on being called, "Master Prophetic Jesus" to validate who he was. Yet He was all that and more.
He didn't alienate Himself from people because they failed to recognise and appreciate His kingship. He was humble until the point of death.
He didn't say, "Look here, I am God and you better address me as such!" Yet He is God, the way the truth and the life.
Subsequently, Y couldn't keep up with the constant "Mrs" and had to break out into "Pre!" when our conversation got more interesting.
This same Y told me she had alienated herself from her friends and acquaintances because they didn't want to respect her. I was one of the few people around her and I only went close to her because she was experiencing a dark moment at the time and I wanted to be there for her.
When we spoke, I could sense that she was missing true friendship and connection and this was because of the huge barrier she had put in front of her. The line of, "I am a pastor. You better respect me!" She had even told her family members to stop calling her the pet name they had called her since she was young.
Y's husband referred to himself as a prophet and you had to call him prophet.
This trend of so called pastors, prophets and men of God (actually gods of men) who insist on people calling them by specific titles is far too common nowadays. Apart from Y and her husband, I have seen this over and over again. These are men and women who are driven by selfish motives. Scripture says, by their fruits you shall know them (Matthew 7:16). Hanging on to a title as though your life depends on it is no good fruit, if you ask me.
In 2016, "pastor" is even a far less important title. The gods of men are subscribing to more high-sounding appellations like, Apostle, Bishop and Prophet. A young boy rents a hall, buys microphones and speakers then borrows one of these titles for themselves. Let me tell you for free that some of these names change while they grow in madnesstry (madness ministry - I made that up).
For instance, someone may start out by calling himself, "Apostle". After a while, he feels Apostle is not doing it for him so he picks "Prophet". Then later, he thinks Evangelist is much more charismatic so he chooses it. That's how he ends up creating and APE out of himself.
Some even take serious offence when you do not address them by their title. It is interesting to see that Jesus clearly addressed this issue in Matthew 23: 8-12
Don't let anyone call you 'Rabbi,' for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters.And don't address anyone here on earth as 'Father,' for only God in heaven is your Father. And don't let anyone call you 'Teacher,' for you have only one teacher, the Messiah. The greatest among you must also be a servant. But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. NLT
Brethren, these words are so profound. It is sad to see that a lot of Christians in leadership positions have skipped this part of the Bible. They long to be called, "Father", which is colloquially "Papa". Yet, they criticise Catholics for having a Pope. Papa, what is the difference between you and the Pope?
Some Christian leaders today are conceited just like the pharisees and scribes Jesus described in the above passage. They long for fame and power. It has become so common that it is beginning to look normal. But the Bible says narrow is the way that leads to life and broad is the way of destruction (Matthew 7: 13).
Pastor, if your name is Ezekiel and I call you, "Ezekiel", what is the crime in it? Your focus should be on doing what God called you to do and not on what people call you. There is no part of scripture that forbids people from calling you the name given to you at birth.
Why would people who claim to follow Jesus be kin on specific designations. Which one is more important? The title or the work? If you are a pastor and you are called, "Reuben", does it in any way strip you of your pastoral responsibilities?
This craze of pastors who want to be called specific titles dilutes the essence of Christianity. Things like this shouldn't be even mentioned in Christianity. If people want to call a pastor, "pastor" because they revere him, they should. But a pastor trying to shove down this title into the throats of homo sapiens is psychotic.
My name is Precious. If I have a PhD tomorrow, I would still be Precious. If I am a great speaker or an author, I would still be Precious. My friends will always be my friends. When we meet, we will talk, laugh together and give each other high-fives. Other Christians will always be my brothers and sisters. If I begin to place my self above them, I will be manifesting the opposite of being Christ-like.
We Christians are the light of the world. Let's focus on taking the gospel to the world in all humility as Jesus did. The message we spread more is the message people read from our lives. Let us not push them away by some irrelevant obsession with titles because it is the work that truly matters. No matter who we are or what we do, we are all one in Christ.
"For you are all one in Christ." Galatians 3:28b
Cynann Nkweti says
You are so right Precious, this saddens my heart when men of God focus more on the titles until they bring up scriptures to justify it. Then a christian mistakenly calls a man of God by a wrong title, its like they're going straight to hell. I too greeted a friend recently and she she said "meet pastor" and i had to figure it out for myself that it was her husband. Why did she not just say meet my husband? It baffling!
Kewrites Kewan Fombong says
And the prophets are permitted to have two or more wives!
Splendor says
I don't know how I stumbled on your page Precious but am happy I did. For me to live is Christ. For indeed there is no entitlement In a titles. Unfortunately title monggers will never read a thing like this. And for Y, ? sad to know it was just a title all these years. Just to let u know I just subscribed !!!
Precious says
That statement is deep: she was just a title all these years. So sad.
Thank you for subscribing, dear. High five!
Kewrites Kewan Fombong says
Precious oh leave this matter of title my sister. I know this story and that's how you know how fictitious people are. Now is the gospel of polygamy tsuuip Pastor mrs my foot.
Precious Nkeih says
Totally baffling! These habits don't have a place in Christianity. Did her husband's name now change to pastor? It is sad that we tend to focus on such things.
Thanks for stopping by, Cynann.
Precious Nkeih says
It is sad, Kewan.
Precious Nkeih says
Ha! When you are that kind of Papa, many things become permissible.
Precious Nkeih says
Funny things, indeed. The name you were given at birth is very sufficient to take you through life. Why try to clutter it with titles? And these people are happy when they are called the "mummy" names. Self-deception!
Chinelo Okoli says
Lol at being called Precious in your dreams.
My dear, that lady has always had those tendencies, the acquisition of the @madam pastor' title just brought it all out.
For me, i find it quite embarrassing when some of my team members start shouting 'Ma this' 'madam this' just because i'm their team lead. They feel its some sign of respect but it always isn't. Respect is earned and everyone deserves it. Some ladies will even stop you from calling them by their 1st name when they have kids. They will say "call me mummy this" Very funny things that happen with us Africans biko.
http://www.neloshalo.blogspot.com
rose teneng says
thanks dear for this piece.infact i don't know where to begin because this tittle matter has been baffling my mind especially when someone gets angry when he or she is not addressed that way.To add to the self imposed five ministry title, the one en voc now is doctor..I'm not referring to medical doctors or PHD holders...i'm actually referring to ministry doctors...infact one brother was asked how he got this title he said his long hours in ministry earned him that tittle that is he is an honorary doctor..May God help us.what i have noticed is that this title stuff is prevalent among blacks even here in the U.S...nearly all the prominent white pastors i know are addressed using their names while black pastors have all the titles.actually i have no problem using their ministry tittle they want to be addressed with but when it is self imposed,i just don't get it.Brother Zach Formum who went to be with the Lord some few years back was referred to as brother Zach yet he was the founder of one of the largest Pentecostal churches in Cameroon....Lord help us to focus on what really matters
Anonymous says
Well said my dear.
You need to know how startled I was when people as in church people started calling me sister.i was like sister ke.when did I become sister.
A few men of God know better than to award themselves titles.see BRO Gbile Akanni for instance, a good teacher and author . He has never called himself pastor Sef how much more papa.
We have a new pastor in my church. Some few years back when he came visiting he was called Dr. Jeremiah. Yesterday he told us dat he has "slaughtered " the doctor. Lol.
That after all if God called him it will be "Jeremiah "not even Bro Sef will be added.
He then proceeded to sarcastically tell the pastors in the church, who didn't even have flock or parish but loved the name pastor or insisted on it that at the Headquarters some of them had their designation as "trainee Minister". Lol. I couldn't laugh.
I am sure the pastors were mortified. But they probably deserved it.
S2C.
Precious Nkeih says
May God help us to deal with every clutter. Scripture says we should, "lay aside every weight and sin" while running the Christian race. This addiction to titles doesn't help the Christian journey one bit. If we fix our eyes solely on Jesus, we will see that it is not about the appellations but about the work. Thank you for adding your voice to this!
Precious Nkeih says
That's wise of the new pastor to take the Doctor out. These titles mostly prevent people from connecting to other Christians like they should. Hahaha at trainee minister. I am embarrassed for those wannabe pastors. Kai!
Anonymous says
Funny enough they are pastors.they have been ordained.
I am sure he must have been irritated at some insisting on being addressed as pastor even by himself.
More like "if you want me to call you pastor I will but for your information,some of you, your official designation at the headquarters is even trainee minister"
Berry Dakara says
Hmm. Hmm. Hmmm. Okay o. In fact, I will just keep my mouth shut. Madam... hmm. Sure. Okay. I just can't even deal. Sorry about your "friend" Precious.
Berry Dakara Blog
Precious Nkeih says
Okay, I get it.
That insistence of being called is irritating.
Scripture says "God resists the proud". Imagine God resisting you because want people to address you in a particular way. Sad.
Precious Nkeih says
It's crazy, Berry!
Anonymous says
I cracked up @ "the prophet himself". They are on duty even at home. Lol. That is what happens when the real person is burried beneath titles. Unfortunately, anything one depends on for identity (other than God), if that thing is lost, the person will be lost too. The irony is, many people will refer to you by the proper title on their own accord without you having to ask...when it happens this way, there are no weird feelings. So will you call Y "pastor" or stick to her first name?
Marie says
My dear, you are so refreshing! Thanks for sharing, continue to be used by God!
Joy2Endure says
Ama Precious for dream you be de de? 🙂 That is my line plus the prophet himself. We too like big titles weda yi di carry man go where oh. I am so with you on my name thing. My name na Arrey and I love it Simple. That is what defines me and not all the high sounding stuffs.
I enjoyed this, a very strong issue plaquing us written with the signature Precious gait and humour.
Precious Nkeih says
So true. When you do the work, people recognise you and respect you for that.
Lol at on duty even at home.
I'm totally sticking to her first name.
Precious Nkeih says
Thank you dear!
Precious Nkeih says
Lol ah di de dream in ma dreams.
We over like title like say na chop.
Thanks for your ever-loving support!
Anonymous says
Na wah ohhhhh having a title doesn't mean that you have to become a dictator. Let her go meet Idi Amin or MUgabe to learn how to impose more rules and become a tyrant dictator. Precious, I beg stay away from her oh her wahala too much. Let her get a face cap written "pastor" as u said credit is earned not demanded
Precious Nkeih says
I know right. This attitude reflects that of tyrants.
David Burt says
Hi Precious
I thought you put your point across very well. Have you found a fellowship where the leader(s) don't demand to be called by the title?