DON’T TELL THEM YOUR PROBLEMS
Published Jun 10, 2016
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I arrived at my friend’s house with my face pale from so much crying. I just wanted someone who could help relieve me of the frustration I was feeling at the moment. When I settled in, I opened my bag of woes to her. As I spoke, she cut in and began accusing me of things which had little or nothing to do with our conversation. She attacked me in my moment of vulnerability and made my frustration progress geometrically. From our conversation I deduced that my friend had harbored grievances against me. Now that I was wretched and frustrated, she just had to tell me the things that came from the abundance of her heart.
I was perplexed. I had gone there looking for a shoulder to cry on but I went back with a knife stuck in my chest.
It happens all the time. You find yourself in a difficult situation. You just want someone to talk to. You find the next available person and pour your heart out. Here is what happens:
- They eventually use it against you.
- They pity you.
- They lose respect for you.
- This quote: “Loose lips sink relationships.”
- They will never forget even after you move on from the problem
- They may not believe you.
I have learnt the hard way that it is HARD to find the right person to talk to in your moment of trouble. A quote by Lou Holtz stipulates,
“Never tell your problems to anyone… 20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.”
Life happens in seasons.When you are in the winter of your life, at that very dark moment, it is tempting to vent to the hearing of the next available ear. A lot of the people around you DO NOT CARE.
Don’t tell them your problems. Keep your issues under lock and key.
This includes godly people, y’all. Spirit-filled people. People that make demons flee. You would see them from afar and imagine that their shoulders will be heavily padded and comfy to cry on. In most cases, you would be disappointed when you draw closer.
My friend, when you are in that dark area of your life when you feel your problems will strangle you, go into your closet and shut the door and talk to your Father in heaven. While at it, hit the wall if you want to. Kick the props around you if you want to. Jump and shout if you want. Keep talking for hours if you want. When you are in that secret place, where only you and Him connect, know that you are in the safest place.
As you talk to the God who is never too bored to listen, He will direct you to the right person to help you IF NEED BE. You will not need to open your whole can of worms before this person but the little you will say will bring you a solution.
So when life begins to throw sour lemons, limes in your face, don’t tell them about it. Tell HIM about it. And if someone ever comes to you with a problem, take time to:
- Listen well
- Advice objectively
- Caution if need be
Sometimes, talking to a genuine listening ear is all the therapy you need. Sometimes, your problems could be life-threatening and you need to run somewhere for help. However, if the problems you face are not literally about to sniff life out of you, then sulk them in and talk to your Papa in heaven.
“Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray.” James 5:13
Hello dear, thank you for sharing your take on this!
The thing with us humans is that we find it easier to talk to others than to God or even ourselves. When we are hit with problems, it helps to first talk to God rather than pick up the phone and call that person unless of course your life is in danger and you need urgent help.
The person I spoke to is one of the most most profound Christians I have ever met in my whole life! That's the reason I spoke to this person in the first place. Yet you know what, man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.
This post is not against friendships. Friendships are beautiful and meaningful. I am blessed with amazing friends myself. Yet in the midst of difficulty, I'll rather talk to God first. If He leads me to a friend, I will talk to them, saying only what is necessary and not sticking all my issues into their ears.
I have learned to be a better friend but sometimes I too may fall short. That's why cultivating that relationship with Jesus is paramount for every one of us.
Thanks for always reading, sis. A load shared is a load half solved but sometimes things only get worse when the wrong ears get to hear about the load. You've said a key word here: discernment.
Precious permit differ with you on this topic because i believe its a 50/50 issue. Its regrettable that you were treated that way however i would like to say that when one experience such things in life , we are tempted to come up with a theory which i would consider would have been different if you friend acted otherwise.From my own experience i have had two sides of the coin. A HAVE VERY GOOD memory when it come s to friends. i have been with friends who have been by my side in both good times and bad times.friends i met in the university and nine years after we are more than sisters …this i cherish so much.On the other hand, permit me relate this story.Actually,i tend to treat those i call friends more like sisters because being the last born of my family, and my sisters were atleast 10 years younger than me, i tend to relate more with peers of my age gruop…. but i learned the hard way because not all friends reason the same..and i had a really bad experience.and after the bad experience i learned alot…at times we go through some things in order to treat others right when they find themselves in similar situations. Concerning what you went through,i don't know the age and the spiritual maturity of the person because all that counts and at what stage in life the person did that to you. i personally believe some people can hurt intentionally and others don"t.FRom what you went through i believe you are in a better position to be a good friend because you would not treat another person in a similar way.in All we must be very careful when sharing our problems..we should take it first to the one who would always be on our side …Jesus.
A load shared is a load half solved. But still, we need discernment to know how to choose that person willing to carry that load for us when we really need that shoulder to cry on.
Nice piece as always.
Sometimes we learn the hard way. Genuine friendship exists but it's not easy to come by these days. Thanks for reading, hun.
I totally agree with your perspective, Berry!
I'm half and half about this topic. While I agree that you should be wary of who you share your life/issues with, it's kinda making it out to seem like 99% of people around you are just waiting for your downfall. That lady who treated you like that was not a real friend, simple and short.
There should be a balance. I think as much as we can talk to God about everything, He also wants us to have relationships – which includes sharing issues. Of course, as humans, nobody is perfect and people will let you down. But if you're so afraid of getting hurt and disappointment, you just might lose out on knowing or having a true and well-rounded friendship.
My two cents.
Berry Dakara Blog
Story of my life Pré. Infact I have been thru this on and on. These days I sit in my closet cry it out well. I mean till am weak. Then get back on my feet. I only speak to God. Trust me the idea of friendship is so so scary. Thanks for the beautiful writeup dear.
I love that! The rest are just curious. Thanks for reading, hun!
I go by the principle that only a few people care! the rest are curious. Thanks for the post
God bless you too, dear. Those who genuinely listen and care exist but like you said they are FEW and hard to find.
Another beautiful masterpiece Precious! God bless you dear! Though I would like to say there are a FEW who will listen and care, I've experienced that.
Thank you for reading, hun!
Good one they. Thanks again. You have said it all.
Glad you can relate, Bigphil!
waow this is realy true i faced a smilar sitiuation like this at one point in time this helpful. i love it
True, Cheechee! Most human ears are not worthy to hear about our issues. A lot of people do not have our best interest at heart.
Thanks for stopping by, dear.
Oh Bola, I know that feeling of disappointment when a rich long epistle vamooses. Don't worry, hun.
When you have Jesus, you truly have it all. Jesus plus nothing is enough.
I typed a long epistle and it vamoozed like that! Painful!
The best friend anybody can have is Jesus, once you have him, you have it all. Well done Mama P. Bola
I agree with all you've said.It helps to talk and air out your grievances and to also be very wary of people who will listen for anything but the purpose of easing you.
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