"...but time and chance happens to them all." Ecclesiastes 9:11b
Mr N and I had a wonderfully short courtship filled with love and romance. He was always holding my hands, looking into my eyes and saying all sorts of sweet somethings to me. Ah! I just couldn't wait to spend the rest of life with this man, who adored me. In fact, I wanted to spend my eternity with him (and I still do). But here is the thing: the hand-holding. sweet talking, sizzling romance that had enveloped me was but a season.
You see, in life, there is a season for everything.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
This August, my marriage will be 7 years old. Woot! woot!! In these years, I have come to understand that in marriage, seasons change just like the weather changes. These seasons don't take place annually exactly like the weather but they are there. A proper understanding of each season helps you prepare for the next. It helps you handle the not-so-so-good seasons gracefully. It helps you keep your light on in the dark.
Here are the four seasons of a marriage:
1. Spring
2. Summer
3. Fall/Autumn
4. Winter
The Bible tells us about the sons of Issachar who had an understanding of the times so they knew which course to take (1 Chronicles 12:32). This is why I believe God is reaching out to you with this word of truth. It is the truth that there are seasons in your marriage and you need to understand that whatever you are going through is just a phase. Don't make permanent decisions in a temporal marital season. You can't keep wearing winter coats in the summer. You have to adjust to each season accordingly. This is how to maximise every season:
- In the spring of your marriage, spend as much time with your spouse as you can. Exchange romantic messages. Give each other back rubs and massages. Hold your hands and pray together. Prayer might be the last thing on your mind in this season because it is all cozy and sweet. You might not feel like you "need" God but trust me, you need Him. It is time to build a bank of prayer. Also, if your spouse is not the praying type, it is easier to get him/her to pray with you in this season. Speak positive things into your marriage. Feed on the word of God and gather some strength so you don't faint in the day of adversity.
- In the summer of your marriage, learn how to ignore. Do not sweat the little things. Pick up the shoes your spouse kept in that weird place. Be selfless. In a time like this, it is easy to let little things spark up a big flame. Focus on what you can give rather than what you can receive. Forgive before your spouse hurts you.
- In the fall of your marriage, don't give in to the looming gloom. All might not seem well. All might not seem favourable. The future might seem bleak but you have to keep a positive mind. Focus on what you have rather than what you do not have. Focus on what is working in your marriage rather than what is not working.
-In the winter of your marriage, do what Jesus did when He went to the garden of Gethsemane. Talk to the Father. Scripture says He is close to the broken-hearted. Don't pray on one end and keep hurting your spouse on the other. Be purposefully one with your spouse in the midst of it all. This sometimes means losing yourself, ignoring hurtful things and valuing your marriage above all else. And always remember that spring will come. Don't give up just yet.
Dear friend, I do not know about you but let me tell you about me. Sometimes, I give up easily. I try to back out in the heat. I try to run away from anything or situation that doesn't feel good to me. I always want the springs in my marriage to last forever but the seasons change. When that happens, commitment is hard. But if your marriage must thrive, you have to stay committed both in the good and in the bad times. If you keep looking for the exit door, you will hardly fix anything.
Here is the ultimate thing!
To spend eternity with God.
What shall it profit you if you gain the most respectful, romantic and reasonable spouse yet you lose your soul? Nothing! In all these, our eyes should be on our ultimate goal which is to be in Heaven where there are no nights nor tears. In that place of light, there are no undesirable seasons. When we focus on this one thing, we wouldn't lose sleep over things that do not matter. Like how he flung his socks across the room. Ha!
To marriages that last!
How else can we handle the seasons in our marriages?
Kewrites Kewan Fombong says
You started with one of my favorite... to marriages that last! We shall adjust and sail through these seasons.
Precious Nkeih says
Amen, sister. Amen!
Patty ETAMO says
Yes that's right. If we are committed to it during the summer and winter, spring will surely come and when it does, we shall forget the bad days of winter.love this. Thank u for sharing.
Precious Nkeih says
Sure sis. We need to stay committed through it all. God bless you.
Heline Kimbung says
Too powerful!!! "... Do not make permanent decisions in a temporal season... "
Yes, to marriages that last! Cheers...
Precious Nkeih says
To marriages that last!
Thanks for stopping by, Heline!
Anonymous says
To marriages that last! Thanks for this beautiful piece. It has encouraged me a lot. Thank you.
Dear FL, you are so talented. I think u will do great as an author.:)
favour moyse says
Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!
This is really deep
WHEN MY BODY DOESN'T KNOW I'M A CHRISTIAN
Precious Nkeih says
So deep, Favour!
Thanks for stopping by.
Precious Nkeih says
I'm glad it encouraged you, dear FL.
Thanks for your kind words.
kim shai says
Hmm, thanks for sharing, those seasons though!!!! I think there are seasons in everything. May we continuously look to God through our seasons. More inspiration to you my sister.
Precious Nkeih says
Sure Kim, there are seasons for everything.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Bubu Green says
Wise words from a wise woman. God bless you for this, Sis.
http://www.bubusboulevard.com
Precious Nkeih says
God bless you too, sis.
Tessy Onyia says
Wonderful....very deep too...I looove!!!
http://www.tessyonyia.com
Seraph says
We shouldn't be scared of any of the season, especially for singles in this community. I am sure with JESUS in the boat, destination is eternity. Thank you for this Precious
Joy2Endure says
Congratulations on your upcoming 7th anniversary. Just as you don't look for the nearest exit when the winter cold is too much but seek ways to keep warm, when you are in the winter stage of your marriage or fo pays rainy season time, buy thick blankets and add plenty fayawood fo keep faya trong.
This is profound and hope it inspires many to stay and work on their relationships so far as it is not a matter of death and life.
To Marriages that last.
Anonymous says
Great write up,keep it up.. Help lives and families.. As for me, I learnt mine as a married man. God bless you
Precious Nkeih says
Sis you have spoken very well! May we always find ways to keep warm in the winter.
Thank you!
Precious Nkeih says
Amen! We shouldn't be scared but prepared.
Precious Nkeih says
God bless you too. Thanks for the encouraging words.
Ife Leke says
This is so inspiring.
CHAPTER 15 Manuscript – Chapter 10 Shantel was excited to be spending the weekend at home. Although this was the first time she had been home since she started work about three months ago. She wondered why it had seemed like more than that as the cab driver turned into her street. She figured it was probably because this was the first time she had been somewhat on her own. [ 1055 more words. ]
http://www.ayandola.com/2016/07/29/wrong-but-right-chapter-fifteen-shantel.html
Precious Nkeih says
Thanks hun.
Precious Nkeih says
Thanks dearie.
Katrina says
Not going to lie, mine is currently in winter right now. It has gotten better over the past few days but I can't wait til we are both back on track to building together. Thank you for sharing the realness and hope. 🙂
KatrinaJeanCarter.wordpress.com
Precious Nkeih says
I hope it gets to spring soon for you, Katrina.
I just said a prayer for you.
May your love for each other in your marriage blossom and be stronger than ever before.
Nora G. says
Wowwwww Presh! Every married couple can relate with this. I love the quote "don't make PERMANENT decisions during TEMPORAL marriage seasons". *making a toast* - to marriages that last!! ❤
Precious says
Amen! You quoting that is such an important reminder to me. To marriages that last indeed!
Chimdi says
I love the fact that you admit that there are ups and downs in marriage. Thank you for the advice
Precious says
You are welcome, Chimdi.
Anonymous says
Thus was of great help to me. I didn't know I was going thru the most difficult season of them all and was pushing to make a permanent decision.
Thank you and keep on writing to save more families.
Precious says
So glad this helps, dear. May God give you peace through it all.
Jane says
Thanks alot am encouraged to know about seasons in marriage.Even in winter,spring will come.