I am the girl nobody liked. Before I went to school, I mean secondary school, I was the "perfect" little girl- well loved by her parents and family members. I was intelligent, curious and basically on top of the world. When I went to boarding school, that changed fast. Peer pressure has a way of highlighting your flaws. Or making you see "flaws" that you didn't know you had.
For instance, I felt perfectly beautiful until one girl remarked to me that my legs were not good enough. Or until another girl told me that I didn't have a "figure 8" like my friends. And these things and others began to deflate my ego gradually until there was barely nothing left of my self-esteem.
I thought I was cool until I discovered that I had few friends. In fact, I had remarkably noticed that my arrival at school at the beginning of each term didn't result in lots of ululations as it did for the others.
I am that girl who totally had no swag. It was so bad that I once wore a "kito" sandal which was in vogue then and another student told me it didn't fit me.
I was weird in every sense of the word. Quiet, withdrawn and mostly pouring in my strength and passion into my academics and writing. At some point, even my academics began to suffer. And it made a huge difference when my parents pulled me out of the school I attended at the time and took me home to attend a regular day school. My end of term results went from failure to top of the class because of this change in environment.
I was beaten by the words and actions of those who surrounded me and this greatly affected my self-esteem. I never had a chance to be truly me, just me. I didn't stand a chance. I was not like them. I was not the most beautiful girl. I was not the girl with a boyfriend or boyfriends. I was a trying to fit in a round whole but I was square.
The more I tried to fit in, the more I sought acceptance and admiration from my peers, the more I tried to be like one of them, the more I got rejected.
And I carried this baggage from my secondary school days right into my university days. I was constantly feeling "not enough". I was constantly "feeling inadequate". Yes, that's the phrase: "feeling inadequate."
I tried to make a few friends understand but they just wouldn't. But I met someone who completely understood me and complete accepted me. His name is Jesus.
In Him, I am enough. In Him I am completely loved, totally accepted, totally desired. In Him, I am complete. In Him, I am perfect. With Him, I can beat depression and enjoy this life fully as I was meant to do.
If you have been, an out-of-the-norm weird-do kind of person like me, this post is for you. If you have waddled through life feeling unloved and unaccepted, these words are for you. Take it from a girl who was once there. You are completely loved and accepted by Jesus. In Him you are complete.
Pour out your worries to Him in prayer. And let Him work in you and through you. He is still in the business of changing stories. And yours, my friend will not be an exception.
P.S. This post was supposed to go up yesterday but I couldn't publish because I had issues with my eyes. Thankfully they are better now.