It puzzles me how some people lament over single hood as though it is a disease. The desire to get married is different from the desperation to get married and unfortunately, a lot of singles are desperate. The Bible says to he who is hungry, everything bitter is sweet (Proverbs 27:7).
In your desperation to get married, you will likely 'fall in love' with a 'bitter' person but that person will look sweet. After marriage, you will see all the bitterness in the person that you did not see. That's because you were more in love with the idea of being married than with the person you intended to marry. Note that love is work! It is beyond the feeling that gives you butterflies in the belly. It is taking time to study the other person and accepting everything about them- their strengths and their weaknesses.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. However, it is not a competition with your friends or a compulsory thing to do in life (Take Paul in the Bible for instance, who remained single). It is not an activity that has an expiry date and when the time to fulfill it passes, you begin to feel expired. It is a responsibility and it needs responsible people to get into it!
So single brother/ sister what have you consciously done to secure a great marriage ahead? Have you wrecked your life and you are looking for a spouse to 'fix things up'?
Perhaps all your friends, sisters, cousins, uncles and neighbours have gotten married and you are feeling left out. Please it is not a race in which a winner is crowned. Things happen in life for people at different times for different reasons. A friend of mine told me a while ago that we (her friends) had gotten married and 'left her behind'. I told her not to worry because things happen at different times for people.
The age factor is a big issue these days especially with ladies. Some ladies think their time is up and they have to 'hustle' in order to get a husband.
To some guys, they date and date until they are outdated. They sample women like judges tasting dishes in a cooking competition. They hook up and break up over and over again. Several years pass and they have still not found 'the one'.
The pressure from society is another factor. Mama is asking when you are coming to present 'him'. Daddy is saying at your age, you need a family. People are extra surprised when they hear you are not married so you want to get married so you can fit in.
Single, get over yourself or you will get married for all the wrong reasons and most likely to the wrong person. Shun every pressure, desperation, insults, mockery, etc and focus on you! Focus on knowing who you really are. Define who you are rather than wait for someone to define you.
It is only one who understands his/herself well that can put up nicely with a partner FOREVER. Remember that desire differs from desperation. Desire is healthy but desperation is unhealthy. So if you really want to get married and enjoy that marriage, first be single and satisfied. God bless you!
It is perfectly normal to yearn for that special someone, it only makes us human.
However, desire should not be confused with desperation and as you rightly said, it is not a competition. If you cannot be happy being single, there is no guarantee that you will be when married. Enjoy your singleness, build your personality and pursue a passion, a hobby just anything. And when asked why you are still single when all your friends are married, smile and say ' God is still writing the conclusion to your love story'. Besides, there is no guarantee either that your married friends are all living happily ever after.
Another great post.
Precious Nkeih says
Yes, it is perfectly normal to desire that special person... Happiness comes from within and it should a choice. Marriage is not a ticket to happiness. In fact it comes with more responsibilities. So if you were unhappy before marriage, you will likely be depressed when the many waters of marriage come. Being single is an interesting phase that should be enjoyed! Thanks Sis!