I have always been a social misfit. I'm not joking. I don't mean that in a I cannot relate with people kind of way. What this means is that I don't always seem to fit in whatever society I find myself in. I just don't fit. Back in my high school days, I wrote an article titled, "real social fitness" that got published in the school magazine. Maybe it was my way of exonerating myself from the "social misfit" cloud that hung over me.
When all my friends were dating and sharing gifts with their boyfriends, I was busy writing poems for them. Who does that? The one time I tried to fit in by partying in my first year at the university, it was so weird. I could feel my salamanda shoes and skimpy skirt begging me to stop. That same year, I met Jesus or rather, Jesus met me. That changed my life completely and my inability to conform intensified. From being the girl with neither swag nor stylish shoes in secondary, to being the girl with no boyfriend in high school, I became an official "church girl"
These days, I no longer meet people in school but on social media. I have discovered that I still do not fit! I have accepted my fate. I will never be a modern "geh". Here is why:
I need my man
Mr N is not permitted to die. Who is going to pay the bills, fix things around the house or service the cars? I hardly know how those things happen. I am not some Miss Independent who can do it all on her own and needs no man. I am not one who refuses to take her husband's last name because I want to be viewed as a stong self-sufficient woman. I need my man.
My place is in the kitchen
While my mates are busy chanting, "a woman's place is not in the kitchen" I am spending/enjoying most of my life in the kitchen. You see why I say I don't fit? I am not team #wifenotcook. I am team #feedhusbandtillhecanttakeitanymore.
I don't have Kim K's body
And I'm not obsessed with having that kind of body either. My backyard is nothing to write to Ntamassen about. I do not have a killer flat tummy. My belly is something far, far away from flat. Thank God for big blouses, which I use to cover the multitude of sins. Ha.
I am not widely travelled
These days I see modern "gehs' on social media visiting all sorts of places: Bangladesh, Thailand, the Bahamas, Cuba, Dubai, even Ukraine. For me, it's by the special grace of God that I entered America. And even in this America I almost still live like the contri geh that I am. No sipping pina coladas on the beach with a Prada purse and lamboutine shoes. Is it lamboutine or louboutine?
I have never worn human hair
And I don't intend to buy any human parts called hair to add to my head. The thought alone scares me. But let me tell you the truth, the prices scare me more. All that money for hair???
I do not dress to kill
On most days, I dress to cover the body. I hardly know what the reigning fashion outfit is. You can still find me wearing things that were en vogue in the early 2000s. In fact, a woman saw me the other day in a store and said my shirt reminded her of something she used to wear in the 90s. And I honestly thought I was being stylish. Chai, I have suffered.
My selfies are not perfect
My selfie game is so not-on-point. I often try to take as many as I can then I give up because for some reason, the camera in my hand cannot produce the picture in my heart. Why?
So for the reasons above, I will never be a modern girl. Do you identify with any of the things I listed? Are you a modern "geh" or modern "boi"?
hahahahah oh Lawd! Precious I am laughing so hard this morning. At least you are better than one contri geh here; you know how to wear make up, so you fit some where! Ya sister doesn't know that one yet. I remember forcing myself to attend ASJUB baptism party in my level 200, don't ask me how it went cuz it was a disaster. Talking about dressing to kill ah, that what happened to all the straight simple dresses in the market? Ah till tomorrow Kewan will never fit... When other women chant some choruses..this woman is longing to spend more hours in the kitchen. I beg let me not hijack this post dear!
I attended that party too because they said they were going to do roll call. I was totally a fish out of water. Wasn't funny at all.
Hahahahahahaha! Weh no kill me with laugh ya Precious. I can't take this anymore; my stomach hurts. I'm laughing so hard and everyone around me is asking why? But they cannot understand. I almost died at the "lamboutine or louboutine" part.
I can relate to some of these dear. I always thought I had a problem when i don't fit, but remember:
"What makes you different, makes you beautiful"
I had a blast reading this post!
N'Graffi - Marry a man, Adopt a baby
Awww I love that quote! What makes you different makes you beautiful. Thank you, sis!
This is my first time commenting on this article but I am a regular visitor and I really like this blog. And this article is so me except the kitchen part cause I don't like cooking. I thought I am a weirdo but thank God am alone.
Yay for commenting the first time, Fatima!
We are totally members of the association of weirdos.
Yvonne Chi says
Precious,you actually above standards.You are too good to fit in.You stand out.You are exquisite to behold,unarguably intelligent,glaringly talented and oh your moral values...let me not go there.All the things you described not fitting into are VANITY.The kitchen is not where you belong as a matter of compulsion but a matter of choice and purpose.Again you are ABOVE STANDARDS .I don`t need to be in the prophetic to know you are on your way to greatness.I am in awe of you little sister.
I need to print this and put on my wall.
Thank you so much big sis! And that thing you said about the kitchen- so true!
Lapiro mbanga says
Is it lamboutine or louboutine? My brothers wife once asked me this same question not like she can't afford she's a pharmacist but she too said the prices were out of this world lol. There are a lot of people like you we just don't know most of them.
Those prices are totally out of this world. Sah!
Story of my life, except u know what you outline or lamboutine is. I know me Na tambourine wey we de for our performing arts class,????. I have missed this blog so much. Born writer. I hail u dear
Angele you haff kee me.
Bih Mande says
Hahahaha!!Best thing i read in ages! And for the record...i hate to read. Your pen sure speaks like your pot sizzles! I am in love with your ink and steam!!! I may not totally relate but yeah "contri geh", I love your core!??
Awww I feel sooo flattered! Thank you sis!!
Precious, this goes to show how original and natural you are. You don't want to be like someone else. This makes you stand out from the crowd after all most women are going for natural hair now. Most men now are days are looking for natural women not the ones with fake boobs, fake lips, fake butt, fake hair etc. good write up. Got me thinking
Amen and amen. Being naturally you is best. There's so much freedom when you are not trying to conform to society. Thank you!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Rolling on the floor. This is so so me.
Who get time for di follow fashion. Lamboutine or na louboutine na weti again sef? lol
I am strongly team contri geh. That human hair sha plus the nkap na just headache for check sense.
And then we just add sleeping chop to bread and tea fo breakfast and the list is complete. I enjoyed the piece.
Lamboutine/louboutine na some kine shoe lol
You see why we just clicked sis? #teamcontrigeh forever.
What is the norm anyway? and who decides. In anything we do, as long as we are authentic and happy. Social media presents a view that could be false.
I think the norm isn't officially stated but somehow it is evident on social media.
L Iyok says
You may not have all those attributes you enumerated, but you are an exceptional writer
Awww thank you!
Precious yaff kee me with laff o! My dear trying to 'fit in' is a chore on its own that isn't worth it cos you pressurise yourself to keep up with the pace of others.
I can so relate with most of these scenarios, I can't even draw a perfect brow, I can comb my hair till thy kingdom come, my dressing nko? As long as it fits. Who dash me banging body? I'm a typical lepa.
But my self esteem is par, I don't see myself as inferior, same values I'm instilling into my children, the society should not dictate anything to them, they should rather influence the society positively.
I love you Precious, you are beautiful and fulfilling God's purpose for your life. Keep doing you.
Sorry for this epistle. I will control mysef next time.
Hahahaha Bola, please don't control yourself next time. Epistles are so welcome!
Lol at typical lepa.
A great self esteem is so healthy. Please teach your children oo jare. No need to conform to society.
Thanks so much, sweetie!
I have never fitted haha not just since high school but since nursery school. Wonderful combination of Jesus girl plus beauty and brains and they called me something like Jesus Nerd Freak Holy Maria Thou Art. I didn't like the gossips. When people talked style I talked JesusCor Science or the yesterday football match or some novel I was reading or some show I watched. I was so against fornication so when people were doing their boyfriend and girlfriend things I was the one who removed myself from their environment and became a loner for most of my high school years. Today I still don't fit because I became a fashionista but the old woman style because I wear jacket suit dresses that comes with a dress and jacket with a hr and shoe and bag to match which makes me look more mature than I am instead of wearing "branche". Instead of reading novels now I am a political activist for social justice in addition to still being the Jesus girl and I dance to gospel as the equivalent to others dancing makossa every morning I wake up after thanking God for another day and people think I must be crazy because no one dances to gospel music while running every morning haha. I can go on and on and I am very opinionated and refuse to let anyone belittle me whether young or old lol. So I come off really strong most times to people who easily get intimidated by people with a loud voice and strong sense of personality. Plus I have never had two vices of low self esteem or jealousy so people always wonder why I am so happy and when I tell them it is Jesus they say there she goes again that one weh Sabi claim Jesus for all thing. So I am not just a social misfit because I love people and getting to know them but I am Jesus Nerd Social Justice Scientist Fanatic among other things because I took the Holy Mary Thou Art part I was assigned and put on the Sociak Justice Activist even though I still stand strong against premarital sex. Sex is good but it is for marriage and to be enjoyed only in that realm so I don't get intimidated by standing out as a strong " opposant" to it. Plus before I forgot I love my shoes and have too much of it but I don't buy designer things because I don't believe person's name on something should be worth hundreds more when it is still made in China just like the ones I get on bargain show website for under 30 dollars and stones times even under 20 dollars which looks just as good. Ignore typos because I didn't get to edit haha. Plus I have never commented on anything B outside of Facebook in my life for a first website comment I hope I did just fine huh? I loved this post because it gave me nostalgia of my growing up to date I couldn't resist not commenting haha
Lol at branche!
I'm glad this post pulled you out of your no-commenting shell, JJ.
Being a Jesus girl and a happening socialite according to the standards of society are two things that just don't go together.
Thanks for sharing your story!
You are true to yourself and thats what makes you , YOU!x
Amen. Thanks sweetie!
Ha ha ha ha ha sweet, ah ah You should have asked me now???? I would have educated you that it is " loubounin", please pronounce it with me.."Lou...bou...nin"
Hahahaha Lou-bou-nin! No 't' somewhere?
That is why I married You, my "contri-geh"...
Tamfu Diana says
Sincerely i fit.Am still in my very early twenties but i fit totally,my friends see me as "low spirit" but i love the me i am.The kitchen..."food and nutrition madame" they call me and i so love it.I try the human hair though well after seizing it from mummy or aunty.All the rest i fit totally.Thanks aunty Pre for this.
Aww Diana, high five.
I have been a food and nutrition madame since form 1. Lol
Glad to see that you can relate.
Haha, this post is so funny. It's a good thing to just be you and we like you that way too. You don't have to fit in to anything because that's where true happiness is. Oh and by the way, I tried your Banana cake recipe and it turned out great!! Thanks a lot.
Amen. There's nothing like just being you.
Thanks for telling me about the banana cake, Zinny!
My dear sis, no need to fit anywhere else as long as you fit in Jesus's side.
I know what you mean, i gave my life to Jesus at the age of 12 so no partying clubing thing, married very early and enjoying it...
I fit with Jesus so thats ok, no need for swag thing. I love it when you say "i dress to cover my body" tell me about it...
I love your cooking skills, follow your recipes everyday...found you through my hubby fcbk's page from a friend of his who like a recipe one of his own friend like...u get it??
May God bless us in this so called modern society not to reduce the standards to fit in heaven...
So glad to hear from you! I got married early too so I totally get you.
I feel so fulfilled to hear that the recipes have been a blessing to you. May we not conform to the world and not fit into Christ. Thanks for dropping a comment, dear. Hope to see more of you.
Ha I definitely enjoyed reading this post Precious.
I usually don't fit in either. i can totally relate to you on not dressing to kill. I'm a minimalist, I like to feel comfortable. I don't put too much importance on the latest fashion etc.
On the kitchen, I think people try to pass on a message to oppressed women and let them know they can do whatever they want. If cooking is what a woman likes to do she can be in the kitchen as much as she want in my opinion.
Have a great Sunday dear! 🙂
Sauniya | Find Your Bliss ♡
Awww thanks Sauniya!
You are so right - If a woman enjoys kitchen duties, then she should stay there as much as she wants. It shouldn't be something done out of compulsion.
Thanks for reading, dear. Have a great week ahead!
Jessica Hugo says
I have not even finished reading yet, I had to run down here to comment. Like seriously Precious, society is beginning to make cooking look like it's not a woman's responsibility & taking your husband's last name is a crime. Let me quickly go back and continue then come back and leve more thoughts.
Jessica Hugo says
We really do not have to conform to societal standards and I love that you stay true to yourself. Ok, I really laffed hard sha, ?? great post.
Hahaha thanks Jess!
You all have encouraged me to be unapologetically me.
Lol! I am so late to the party. I couldn't stop laughing, and the comments? Oh my!
One of things that draw me to you is your authenticity. I can feel it in your words. Please, don't ever be a modern geh. Lol.
I can relate on so many levels. I've never worn human hair either. I await the day "they" will buy African hair because I'd be glad to sell mine. Lmho. Have a blessed week, ma'm.
Hahaha at the day they will buy African hair!
You all have endorsed my contri gehness so I won't stop.
Have a great week too! Thank you.
Lol! I love this, I'm also hopeless with DIY in the house, but I'm learning. Traveling is amazing though, meeting new people and tasting their food ? But above all else, being true to oneself is paramount, and you have that covered! Great post
I agree, Dami. Traveling is amazing.
Hopefully I will get to that part someday.
Thanks for reading, dear!
Olaitan Bobade says
Laughing seriously on the road. Hehe. The part where you talked about your backyard is just too hilarious. Such a fun post. Lots of love.
Awww glad to make you laugh. Have a great week, sweetie!
Like you said above the norm isn't stated but it is evident.I laughed out loud when I was reading.The thing is to be authentically you and your true crowd will love you truly.
PS:Your posts no longer update on the bloglist I have on my blog.You know why??
Please remove my blog URL from your list then copy straight from the homepage here and add again. I think it stopped updating due to my move to WordPress.
Sisi Precious!! Are you in my head or what? I wrote and saved an article on Feminism and how we need to reboot things according to God and not the rubbish the world has been feeding us. I even mentioned the part of a woman being okay to love her husband and if possible 500% sef. Lol. It's no one's business if she wants to take her husband's name or not. As long as they love each other and are fine, they should just leave be jare. People just like wahala.
You're so funny!Lmao @covering your stomach. Haba now. I'm sure you look alright jare. I admire you though. And I believe you're right. Though the norm hasn't been stated, there's so much going on which they keep pushing in our faces to conform to, but thank God for grace and boldness.
Keep being you dear. xo!
Exactly dear! We need to reboot things according to the word of God and not according to the standards of the world. Sometimes God's way will look foolish in the face of worldly standards. But the word of God remains true. There is no 21st century Bible. The Bible is the same - timeless.
Looking forward to what you will post. Thank you for being a sweet encouraging voice.
This post was perfect! I laughed my heart out at "the camera in my hand cannot produce the picture in my heart. Why?". From this post alone, I can tell you are a very unique individual who refuses to conform to society's standards and I tend to gravitate to such people. Your point about belonging in the kitchen struck me because although I totally support the #iwontcookformyhusbandifidontenjoycooking school of thought, I also realize from your posts that cooking truly does give you joy, so trying to conform to that new societal ideal would be lying to yourself. I wish more women could make their lives a balancing act like you have.
Memkoh, thanks for your kind words dear.
Life is indeed a balancing act. I don't think I've figured it all out but I'm growing every day.
Thank you for stopping by my blog!
njola chris says
Hmmm,I do laugh tire,fashion shoes in secondary school? Ma sister ,it was one shoe per academic year,boyfriend in high school, how that one start? I was busy leading kids to Christ in the children's choir at the Baptist church.I as a big missfit in Buea cos I didn't have trending dresses.now I still spend most of my weekends in the kitchen cooking trying out new recipes mostly from your page,and seeking Gods face.I hope to one day spoil my husband with the so much good food.keep up big sis and remain who you are.
Awww Chris. Thanks dear.
One shoe per academic year - I can totally understand. You have been busy building a strong foundation for your life. Thanks for stopping by, dear and sorry for the late response.
Bubu Green says
Oh dear! I laughed out so hard. I missed this place. Been on a needed break. Honestly, your style is what makes you. I am so with you on cooking for hubby. Some people have taken feminism(whatever that means) to an insane level.
That's eh Bubu I don't even know what the f-ism means anymore. This space has missed you dear.
I enjoyed reading your post dear Precious. You are a born writer and i totally relate with the human hair thingy, can't talk myself into wearing someone else's, (probable dead, don't know why I think so) hair. Don't change a thing. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Awww Hilli, so glad to have you here. Thanks for dropping a comment. That human hair thing baffles me. I won't change a thing about me.
Wow. I have been following for a while now. I am so amazed by your honesty. I feel same too but fear to express myself.
Don't be scared to be who you are, Lyly. God loves you just the way you are. Hope to see more of you around here, dear.
oh Goodness ! Precious my ribs I'm on the floor laughing like an idiot. You sure just made my day. So authentic you sure are one special lady and please just be you. This write up brought up some memories when ï tried to fit it but at one point I just gave up. concentrated on my studies, strong Church girl, my love for cooking and worked hard to make my own money. I learned to just live and love the authentic me rather than be a copy of someone else.
Glad you loved it, Harriet!
Yes to being authentic! Pretending to be someone else is just too tiring.
Thanks for sharing, dear!
Hahahahaha u are very funny... my definition of a modern woman is that kind of girl that make things happen and has her life in order. Well i can totally relate with you as being a social misfit back in the day. So I learnt to set my rules and my standards. And according to those rules I belong to that class that "run the world" hahahahaha ..........Furthermore when I look back I think being a socially 'misfit' was actually a good thing. Because it saved me from all the high school dramas and gave me enough time to make me what I am today. So I thank God for my misfit life hahahaha
Yes Awa, being socially misfit was actually a good thing! When I look back today, I'm so grateful that I didn't fit in. My inability to fit in helped me focused on the things that really mattered. So yes to not fitting in!
Thank you for sharing, dear.
wow Precious u be die, ur way of telling it as it is ...simply amazing. You are just perfect and yes im a social misfit too in soooo many ways but i guess it will take a whole year for me to express it as u do. Keep it up girl