If you are regular here on the blog, you must have read when I told you guys we attended a family retreat at the beginning of this year. What I didn't tell you guys is the epic performance Mr N and I put up during that retreat.
The retreat was an experience like no other. Since we came to America, we have never attended anything like that. We packed our bags and left our little home for a two-hour drive to the neighbouring state, Wisconsin. The retreat center is located in a forest - literally. So after passing through the woods we arrived at the rugged building, which was so warm and welcoming on the inside.
Our family pastor showed us to our room then we settled in and had dinner with the other Jesus-loving families at 6 pm. The retreat was on and it was fun. It was characterised by family chapel times, connecting with other families and food- lots of food.
But these are not the things that led to embarrassment.com. On day 2 of the programme, we were told that it would be a "Talent Night". I was so looking forward to what others will present but I didn't plan on presenting anything. This is how it worked: you write your name on a provided form and write out the talent you would like to present to other Jesus-loving families.
It reminded me of my campus fellowship days when we used to go on stage and do all sorts of things in the name of talent. One time, I even presented rap (hahaha!) But that's totally a story for another day.
So I didn't want to participate in the talent night. Not at all. When the time came, I was there to watch, eat popcorn and have fun. Ha. But the lady who was the host of the night set me up. At some point during the night, she announced:
"If you know you are SUPER TALENTED! but you didn't write your name on the list of performers there's still a chance for you to write your name."
These are the words that changed my destiny. After she said these words, I suddenly remembered how super talented I am. I remembered how I used to go on stage and make people laugh back in the day. Then I thought, maybe, just maybe I could recreate on of my scenes of the past.
To make matters worse, a chubby man went on stage and performed an epic dance that was so funny. So I felt like I was in a safe place where one could commit any kind of folly and get away with it.
I turned to Mr N who was sitting by me and whispered, "There is this sketch I used to perform in church. I go on stage, pretend there's something at the back of the church that is funny and I start laughing. Someone else comes on stage to ask me what the matter is. I point to the back of the building and the person starts laughing with me. Do you think we can do it?"
Like every loving husband would do, Mr N answered in the affirmative.
"We can do it," He said.
Now I wish he had said no.
You see, each time I performed this sketch back home, I would make the audience laugh so much that brethren will have tears in their eyes. But on this day, it was a totally different scenario.
So it came to pass on that day in the retreat center in the far away forest of Wisconsin that the host of the night, a lady with a baby-ish voice stood up and announced that I, Precious had a talent to showcase,. I cat-walked to the stage where I said a quick good evening to the audience. I then looked up and pretended there was something at the back of the hall then I started laughing hysterically.
Remember, the intention was to make them laugh for nothing. I laughed.
No one laughed with me.
Mr N joined me and pretended to ask me what was going on. I pointed to the imaginary laughter-inducing thing at the back of the hall, hoping that my audience will look back to see. No one looked back.
Then he joined me and started laughing. WE LAUGHED.
And no one laughed with us.
The more we laughed, the more the audience looked at us with surprised faces. Not even my hitting and shaking of my head could make them laugh. I heard someone say in the crowd,
"What the hell are they laughing at???"
That's when I knew the show was over. I carried myself and disappeared from the stage. Mr N followed me. And the audience clapped for us. But mehn, I knew the clapping was just a consolatory round of applause. I felt so embarrassed that I started quoting motivational quotes to myself.
Mr. N and I have not talked about it till this day.
Lesson learnt: the joke that worked in Africa may not work in America.
Have you ever had a very embarrassing moment? What was it like? I'll love to hear from you!
In fact, the fact that they are not laughing is actually making me laugh. Lols
Oh man! There is nothing like being funny because you failed woefully at trying to make people laugh.
Laura Ngaba Tinzoh says
Thanks for sharing Precious. I have tears in my eyes. Oh dear!
Hahahaha, are you laughing with me or at me?
Precious will not kill me oh!
That your performance was epic.
This just made me laff after a stressful day.
That's eh. I will never try that kind of thing again. Lessons learnt.
I haven't laughed this much in a long time!!!! Hahahahahahahhahhahahahaahha until i had teary eyes! My take on this is - that incident happened for a day like this and for your reader because this has made me laugh my lungs out. I guess it wasn't meant for them but for us. And then you cracked me up when you said u and Hubby haven't said a word about it since that day. I guess u will today and laugh over it!! Lol
Hahaha I was too embarrassed to even blog about it. Then I said but this is what my kind of writing is like : being raw and vulnerable. That certainly happened for a time like this. Lol
A joke that wasn't funny the day it was played out would be funny the day it is blogged about.
You made us laugh, Precious. It's a win-win.
That's a great quote, Amaka!
Definitely a win-win here.
Heya. I can imagine how embarrassing that must have been. I was cringing on your behalf as I read.
Don't mind them jare. At least you tried. That they didn't think it was funny doesn't mean it wasn't. Mood, audience, geography mentality and delivery determines how jokes are received. Plus they don't know good thing when they see it ?.
I give you kudos for trying. And to your husband for accepting. I would probably have climbed that stage and started smiling sheepishly or disappeared from the venue until everything presentation was over. Lol.
Lol at not talking about it since then.
When I read of you cringing, I cringed some more. Trust me, you do not want to be in that situation. For the rest of the evening I felt like people were just looking at me and talking about me. SMH
One man's meat is always another's poison. I have laughed from the time you went on stage till the end. Na African thing them no fit wise lol.
That's eh. Dem no wise no small so. Chai. Lesson learnt.
I've just been laughing. Jeeeeeez, no one could even laugh. That's unfair oooooo.
Certainly, what's obtainable in a place, sometimes isn't in another place.
I sure had a good laugh though. Lolzzzz
So unfair, Tosan. I was like this audience is wicked. But the audience does not lie. Lol
Oh Precious, I have laughed so so hard.
I had an epic embarrassing moment one time. My husband's boss was inviting all her subordinates and their spouses to a dinner. She sent my husband an email about it, which my husband forwarded it to me.
Upon seeing that email, I didn't even think about it, I hit reply - to her, copying my husband, asking for all sorts of details about the dinner. Oh! I still feel like burying my head each time I think about it. My husband had just forwarded the email, intending to provide me with further details at home... I was asking questions like dress code, location etc... ?
Hahaha so embarrassing! Don't we all have those moments? Man go do how? Lol
Jessica Hugo says
Pls leave me alone Precious. ??? *rolling on the floor* Now a joke dat didn't make d crowd laugh is actually making us to. Lol. I enjoyed the read.
Looks like it happened for a time as this. ??
Hehehe hehehe.....the part that made me laugh most was that up till today you and hubby haven't talked about it. Thanks for making us laugh.
Ha. You're welcome, GM.
Dominika Goodness says
Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahah I can't stop laughing Precious. This your embarrassment.com is definitely full of laughter. thank you for sharing.
Lol thanks for reading.